Trouble with Parent-Teacher Communication: A Student’s Perspective

I failed my first test when I was in middle school. It was on a chapter in Chemistry, which has always been my weakest subject in school. I remember how heavy that piece of paper felt in my hands as I slid it across the kitchen table to my mother. She looked at it with wide eyes, while I kept my gaze fixed on my chicken soup and twirled my spoon around the broth.

“We need to talk to your father,” my mother said.

My parents are divorced, so my mom called my dad after dinner and spoke with him in a hushed voice, flipping the test pages over and over again. I sat on the steps and awaited my impending lecture.

“Did you study for this test?” was the first question my mother asked after hanging up the phone.

“Yes,” I said. “I stayed up all night. And then I got the test and it was all gibberish to me.”

“Your dad and I are concerned that you are going to fail Chemistry and have to take it again in summer school, Stephanie,” she said. “You need this grade to get into high school. You’re an A student, how did this happen?”

As a current sophomore at UMass Lowell, I can tell you failing that Chemistry test was not the end of the world. As a matter of fact, I passed Chemistry with a C- that year and went on to high school, albeit with my pride damaged.

Sometimes it’s hard for parents to understand this, but children struggle with communication, too. Maybe they don’t know how to ask for help, or don’t understand their teacher’s instructional approach. Children end up falling behind without any sense of support. Failure of communication between teachers and children, between parents and teachers, and then the resulting fall-out between children and parents, can all affect a student’s intellectual and creative growth.

When I reflect back on my time in middle school, I realize I often felt helpless and confused. My parents have always been quick to support my teachers and defend their abilities. My teachers, too, have backed up their teaching techniques and encouraged the notion that it was my fault for performing poorly in a class. In turn, I internalized the idea that I was the problem and that my failure to learn and understand a concept was due to my own inadequacy.

If children feel like it is their responsibility to monitor their own growth and fill in the gaps where parents and teachers are falling short, this puts unnecessary stress on them. Children may feel a lack of confidence and stop trying.

Now, imagine that this is your child. She comes home with a failed test and has tried her best. Is it her responsibility to go above and beyond to get support that her teacher isn’t providing? Is it your responsibility as a parent to step in, or should you leave it up to the teacher, assuming they know best?

Whatever your stance may be, if your child is struggling, do you want her confidence to falter because she doesn’t know where to turn?

Here are some recent articles that can improve your communication skills (between yourself and your child’s teacher, as well as between you and your child):
10 Biggest Mistakes Parents Make
3 Ways Parents Can Help Teachers

Stephanie Santos
Boston Tutoring Services