Talking with Teens About Healthy Relationships

RESPECTfully is a social norms campaign designed to speak to teens directly with key messages that articulate everyone deserves mutual respect in relationships, and today’s tips were sourced from them. Youth-serving individuals and organizations can encourage parents and caregivers to be aware of the signs of unhealthy behaviors, educate teens on what respect looks like, and have clear conversations about consent. Parents, teachers, coaches, and caregivers can help increase the capacity for teens to experience healthy relationships by having open, honest, non-judgmental, and ongoing conversations with them about equitable, healthy, and joyful relationships.

The early youth and teen years are a critical time for developing relationship standards and skills that will impact their adult relationships. With this in mind, adults supporting young people can help them have healthy relationships in the following ways:

• Be knowledgeable. Teach your child about the importance of healthy relationships and the differences between healthy and unhealthy relationships.
• Be approachable. Be present and available for your child—remember that children want positive and caring adults in their life.
• Be understanding. Be interested in your child’s world; ask about their friends, preferences, and hobbies.
• Be respectful. Be open and considerate of the things your child is expressing.
• Model healthy relationships. Your child watches everything that you say and do, good or bad. Communicate self-respect. Encourage your child to feel good about him/ herself. Discuss what they like about themselves.
• Focus on the positive. Talks about relationships do not have to focus only on negative stuff, talks can also be about positive stuff (e.g., relationships should be fun and fulfilling, supportive)
• Discuss alternatives for dealing with frustration and anger other than violence.
• Take advantage of teachable moments. Use relevant, real situations to teach your child about the importance of healthy relationships.

LGBTQ+ youth also deserve to have safe, healthy, and respectful relationships of all types. Many elements of healthy partnerships – like resolving conflicts with respect or having open, honest communication with a partner – are true regardless of a person’s sexual orientation or gender identity. However, LGBTQ+ youth can also experience unique challenges in their relationships. For example, some characteristics of healthy relationships that are unique to LGBTQ+ youth include a partner who:

• Accepts and supports who they are, including their gender and/or sexual identity
• Respects their name and gender pronouns
• Respects boundaries and never threatens to out someone

There are many specific ways you can help support any LGBTQ+ youth as they navigate having safe and healthy relationships. To start, you can support their emotional development by:

• Talking with them about their LGBTQ+ identity
• Responding with warmth and care when you learn that they are LGBTQ+
• Supporting their identity even if you feel uncomfortable
• Advocating for them when they are mistreated
• Expecting other family members to respect the LGBTQ+ youth in your family
• Welcoming their LGBTQ+ friends and partners into your home
• Supporting their gender expression, including their gender pronouns
• Helping them access the care they need to support their mental and physical well-being
• Believing they can have a happy future as an LGBTQ+ adult and telling them that

Allison Green
Boston Tutoring Services