Building Respectful Relationships with Students

If the students respect and like you as a person, your job as a teacher will be a lot easier. Unlike a boss who clashes with an employee, you can’t fire a student. You can spend your entire year trying to fix a fractured relationship that is broken due to lack of respect, but who has the time? Here are some guidelines to help earn the respect of your students from the get-go and how to build mutually respectful relationships with students.

1. Focus on your goal. Know that whatever you focus on is what will thrive in the classroom. If you focus on negative behaviors, that is what will thrive. If you focus on classroom rules, students will learn those rules, but when will they learn content? Always have your lesson prepared and focus on the learning. An important part of building mutually respectful relationships is showing students that learning is always your first priority. If you want them to take seriously their job as a student, do your job by being prepared to teach. If you focus on your lesson plan, you will feel confident and the rest will follow suit.

2. Let students know you believe in their success by directly telling your students that you believe in their success. If you believe in them and tell them so, they will believe in themselves, and this will help you build mutually respectful relationships. For example, say “Nathan, I really want you to do well today. How can I help you with that?” instead of, “Nathan, you have an F in my class, don’t you want to get a good grade? Why can’t you behave?” Both statements show Nathan that he is accountable for his behavior. The first statement, however, shows him you believe in his success and it is his choice how he behaves. You are rooting for him, yet he has agency. The second statement puts a student on the defensive, which rarely works. Be smart with your words and work on the relationship. The way you communicate makes a big difference in how your words are received by the students.

3. Use discipline sparingly. This one is key to building mutually respectful relationships with students. If you discipline, do so for a specific purpose and tell students why. They will respect your authority and admire that you rarely have to use your power. Anger or disappointment can be effective only if used very rarely. Anger used often is completely ineffective. Learn to pick and choose your battles. Is this affecting the learning of the whole class? If the answer is yes, it is your job to correct the behavior. If the answer is no, do not stop the classroom for just one student. It’s not fair to the other students, unless you are using it as a teachable moment.

Allison Green
Boston Tutoring Services