How to Help Girls Succeed

It is not enough to celebrate “girl power” without also providing examples of strength. We can’t tell girls they can change the world without equipping them to take on the task. If we encourage young girls to dream big, we must provide direction and skills to help them make those dreams a reality. All of us can positively impact how girls see themselves and their possibilities. Here are three tips to get you started.

1. Get real. The world is still stacked against girls, but this is rarely discussed. On top of this, the “girl power” narrative leads many girls to believe that gender inequality is a thing of the past. This leads girls to blame themselves when they face bias and barriers—and to internalize harmful stereotypes about what girls can and can’t do. That’s why it’s so important we address these issues head on: it can be an antidote to blaming themselves and can help promote their self-esteem.

We need to get real with girls, early and often. This means surfacing the unfair messages and systems around us and speaking up when you see bias in action. If girls are judged for their appearance or overlooked for a leadership role, unpack the stereotypes behind these experiences. When a girl expresses sadness or frustration for being treated unfairly, validate her feelings and explain that it is not a reflection of who she is or what she is capable of. When a girl questions why her computer science class is mostly boys, name the false assumption that boys ‘like’ STEM more or are ‘better’ at it than girls. Point out that girls like her are trailblazers helping to change this. When girls are judged for their appearance or what they’re wearing, remind them they are not responsible for how people react to their bodies. Their abilities matter more than how they look.

2. Challenge gender norms. Girls internalize gender roles based on what they observe at home, at school, and in books, toys, shows, ads, and video games. These outdated gender norms—such as men are assertive and women are collaborative—limit the possibilities girls see for themselves: by middle school, over half of girls believe boys are better at some jobs. This also makes them less likely to pursue activities or classes that appear to be for “boys only” and diminishes their confidence in their leadership abilities.

You have an important role to play in challenging gender norms. This starts with mixing up toys, chores, and activities, and encouraging girls to pursue stereotypical “boy things” like computer science or skateboarding. It means watching the language you use to describe people: girls can be just as brave as boys, and men can be just as caring as women. It also means modeling the right behavior ourselves. When women advocate for themselves and take risks, young ladies are more likely to develop their own courage. And when men do their fair share of household work, girls learn equality and partnership. Explain that both boys and girls should do their fair share of cleaning.

Find ways to celebrate work in all its forms. Women who work outside the home can talk about why it’s rewarding. Men can explain why helping out at home is a top priority for them. Couples can also share household responsibilities equally—and explain why this matters. When you see women succeed in spaces typically dominated by men—whether they’re winning motocross races or leading missions to Mars—share this proudly with girls, and use it as an opportunity to talk about the importance of girls leading their way.

3. Reframe risks and failure. Girls are often socialized to care more about what people think than boys are. This can lead them to take fewer risks because they’re worried about failing—but risk taking is good. It helps build skills, boosts confidence, increases independence, and strengthens their decision-making abilities. Help girls get comfortable taking risks by talking openly about the chances you’ve taken. Instead of talking about what could go wrong when taking a risk, frame your discussions around what could go right and what succeeding would feel like. Share stories of your own failures and how they helped you learn and grow—and sometimes even created unexpected opportunities for you.

For example, when a girl loses a game or scores poorly on a test, validate her frustration, but also ask her what she learned and plans on doing differently next time. When a girl criticizes herself for making a mistake, ask her, “What would you say to your best friend if she made a similar mistake?” She is likely being too hard on herself and should treat herself with the same kindness she treats her friends. When you’re with girls, model taking positive risks yourself, like trying to skateboard for the first time or talking openly about a decision to take a job in a new industry.

Allison Green
Boston Tutoring Services